Ari Brown
I used to hate salmon. In my defense, it was because I only ate shitty salmon in my household. The way my parents cooked it (before becoming enlightened) was to grill it and serve it. That was it. The fish was dry, unflavored, and unfocused; was it salt, sweet, or substance? What was I supposed to be tasting? I abhorred the stuff for many years until I went to Finland and had no choice but to learn to cook salmon well.
Now, salmon makes me happy. Salmon has a lot of flavor. Salmon is on the lower end of the mercury scale (not that I care, since I eat 8-10 cans of tuna a week). Salmon holds its shape when you fry or grill it, and you can use it in soups, stews, and chowdahs as well. You know what doesn’t hold its shape? Tilapia. But this isn’t about tilapia, that flavorslut of a fish.
Let’s do a bit of roleplaying. Not full on LARPing, but just a small imagination game. You’ve got five pounds of salmon in your freezer. And because you hate America, you bought it from Meijer, which means it’s skinless. You’re hungry. You don’t want to let yourself down. What do you do?
Stop. Hammer time. Get a job, get rich, buy a time machine, go back in time, and thaw the salmon that you really should’ve thrown in the fridge the night before. Your failure to plan is really getting in the way of a good dinner. But this isn’t about you, so let’s focus on dinner.
What you'll need:
For the salmon:
- 0.75 lbs of salmon
- salt
- pepper
- cumin (or curry)
For the rice:
- 1 cup jasmine rice
- 2 cups water
- olive oil
Extra:
- 1 tbsp butter
- basil
Bring 1 cup of water to a really solid boil. I like to go on Facebook during this time because it ensures that I will be away from the pot for a sufficiently long time. Once the water is boiling, add half a cup of jasmine rice. Jasmine rice is basically the best rice you’ll ever encounter, don't use anything else, trust me. Remember, the ratio of Jasmine rice (and all long grain rice) to water is 1:2. Don't fuck it up. Add a little bit of olive oil and you’re all set. Stir occasionally. Simmer it and set a timer for 20 minutes.
Gimme just ten seconds to complain about the price of fish in the States. I pay $9-14/lb for quality salmon here. I pay $7/lb if I’m a cheapass and going to Meijer because I hate my country and my freedom. Now, when I was in Northern Finland this summer, I was only paying $4/lb. That is LESS THAN HALF THE PRICE of the cheapest salmon in the States. Ridiculous. But regardless —
But oh, your work in the kitchen is not done. Nay, it’s only just begun, because at this point you’ve only just put the rice in the pot and you’re about to get freaky. Remember that salmon? The piece you thawed? Last night? No? Not even a little? It’s ok, that’s why I’m here. Your salmon. It needs to come out now. Set it down on the table. Grab some sea salt and fresh crushed peppercorns. If you don’t have those, don’t worry. Take what salt and pepper you do have, throw them out, and get some sea salt and fresh crushed peppercorns. Now cover that slab of fish with salt and pepper. An even mix of each. Juggling the rice and then getting the salmon is the hardest part of this recipe. Now add a light sprinkling of cumin. If you don’t have cumin, curry powder will suffice. The smell will be strong, but it cooks off leaving just a light flavor that brings out the power of the salmon. My roommate says that I’ve been too harsh, so… good job. If you’re scared at this part like I was when I first made this, don’t worry. I’m here for you. We can softly whisper sweet nothings to each other and hold hands. But first you need to finish the damn meal.
Now take down a pan, and get that thing scorching hot. Throw in some butter, too. Place the salmon in the pan (scales down) and turn the heat down to medium. Now would be a good time to turn on the broiler.
So now you’ve got the salmon cooking, the rice simmering, and you’ve got about 15 minutes left until the rice is done and the salmon is about halfway done. For the salmon, you’re looking for fat dripping out, and note on the side that the meat of the fish starts to turn white. It should be white about halfway up the side. When it’s around halfway, take the pan and put it in the oven which is broiling. Generally, you broil with the door open, but I’m giving you special permission to close the door this time. Keep it in there for maybe another 5-7 minutes — basically until the rice is done and/or the top of the salmon looks nicely cooked. Please note that you can’t actually put your pan in the oven if it has a plastic or wooden handle. You might have to switch it to an oven-safe pan.
If the rice happens to be done before the rest of the salmon is, don’t worry. Just let it sit. It’ll be fine cooking for up to 15 minutes more.
Serve it on hot plates. Either put the plates in the oven with the salmon for a few minutes or run them under hot water. Doesn’t matter which one, but just know that there is a special level of hell reserved for those who serve hot food on cold plates. Top the salmon with butter and basil. Serve the rice and fish together with a salad. Eat. Belch. Thank me later.
