The Great Pumpkin

Caitlin Morath  

I’ve been planning my Halloween costumes since June. I was at the cider mill two weeks into September. I started drinking Pumpkin Spice Lattes at Starbucks even before they reappeared on the menu. To put it simply, I’m a bit of a fall fanatic. There’s just something about crisp air and football Saturdays that I can’t get enough of.

But for all of the things that I adore about autumn, one object stands out among the rest: The Pumpkin.

Any baker can tell you the pumpkin is a versatile ingredient that, when used correctly, can help create the most spectacular baked good. But my roommates can attest that pumpkin has moved far beyond the realm of pie in our household. From cake to pasta sauce, cookies to dip, I’m on a mission to use canned pumpkin puree to its fullest potential. What follows are the recipes for a few of my favorite creations thus far.

Do you have any crazy pumpkin ideas for me to try? Send me your ideas by tweeting #wolverinecuzine or commenting on our Facebook page and I’ll post photos of how your recipes turn out!

Pumpkin Fluff Dip:

Ingredients:
1 (16 oz) container of Coolwhip
1 can (15 oz) pumpkin puree
1 pack instant vanilla pudding
1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice

Directions:
Mix all ingredients. Serve with graham cracker for dipping.

Pumpkin Pasta Sauce:

Ingredients:
1 package low fat cream cheese
½ stick of butter
½ cup low fat milk
½ cup parmesan cheese
½ -1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1 pinch nutmeg
1 cup canned pumpkin

Directions:
Cube cream cheese and butter. Add cheeses, butter and milk to a saucepan on low heat. Cook until melted. Stir in pumpkin and seasonings. Cook until heated throughout. Yields enough sauce to cover one box of pasta.

Pumpkin Cookies:

Ingredients:
2 ½ cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon cinnamon
½ teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
½ teaspoon salt
1 ½ cup sugar
1 stick butter
1 cup pumpkin puree
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Beat sugar and butter until smooth. Beat in pumpkin, egg and vanilla. Combine remaining ingredients in a separate bowl. Slowly beat dry ingredients into pumpkin mixture until combined. Drop rounded tablespoons onto a greased cookie sheet. Bake for 15 to 18 minutes, or until edges are firmed. Note: I tend to serve my cookies unadorned, but feel free to play around. Adding raisins, drizzling with white chocolate or covering in glaze are just a few ideas.

Pullin' Piggy

Ari Brown  

One of the better parts of living in your own place is owning a freezer big enough to store things in bulk. What I’m rocking isn’t exactly a veritable meat locker, but I’ve got that thing packed up, chock full of salmon, sausages, duck legs, and pork shoulder.

My first meeting with pork shoulder of the uncooked variety was when I was looking for the cheapest cut of meat I could find that wasn’t shitty chicken. I was young and in love when I first saw the price tag of under $2.00/lb — I knew I had to make it mine. I talked to my boyzzz behind the meat counter and asked them what I could do with that deliciously priced piece of meat. Instead of words, they joined together in song and dance as the heavens opened up and rained down pulled pork recipes upon my ignorant soul. (Pro Tip: talk to the guys behind the meat counter. They know all and are more than happy to help you figure out how to cook something or even what to eat that night.)

As I write this, I’ve got 12 lbs of pork shoulder in the oven. No lie, I think it’s too much meat for this recipe since it’s cut into the shape of a fucking cube, and the probability that the center will be cooked appropriately after 4 hours is slim to none.

Pulled pork is simple. I recommend making this on a day when you have a lot of homework to do. The pork is cooked in three stages, and one of these stages is pretty much bullshit. The quick rundown is the following: primary cooking, tined cooking, and sauced cooking. The whole recipe takes 6 hours.

The primary cooking phase is the first phase, and it lasts 4 hours. Preheat the oven to 275°F, check Facebook for a lil bit, then come back. Put the meat in large chunks in the roasting pan — you DO have a roasting pan, right? — add your spices, add the purp’ drank (sugared soda of your choice DO NOT CHOOSE DIET I REPEAT DO NOT CHOOSE DIET), place the lid on, throw it in the oven, and get on with your life. (Fuck, I am so far behind in my work right now. You had better make this recipe or all my effort will have been in vain.) The spices should be salt, pepper, cayenne pepper, dry mustard, onions, and garlic. Once again, I know I don’t have to say this again, but just for funsies I will: LARGE CRYSTAL SEA SALT and CRUSHED PEPPERCORNS.

The second phase is simple: you take out the pan; drain the excess liquid (save the onions god damnit), and tine the pork. Tining is really easy: you take two forks and use the tines of the fork (the sharp things that stick out) to pull apart the pork. Put the lid back on, throw that shit back in the oven. Chill out for another 1.5 hours.

The third phase is where you add barbecue sauce, stir, and taste. Repeat as necessary. Once perfect, cook for another 30 minutes. Boom. Roasted.


Spices:
    2.5 lb. pork tenderloin
    salt & pepper to taste
    1 large onion, chopped
    4 cloves of garlic, minced
    1.5 teaspoons ground dry mustard
    2 to 3 teaspoons ground cayenne pepper
    1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
    3 tsp Worcestershire sauce

Purp' Drank
    24 oz of Dr. Pepper

Recipe based off of slash stolen from Mama Foodie

I Left My Heart In Salmoncisco

Ari Brown  

I used to hate salmon. In my defense, it was because I only ate shitty salmon in my household. The way my parents cooked it (before becoming enlightened) was to grill it and serve it. That was it. The fish was dry, unflavored, and unfocused; was it salt, sweet, or substance? What was I supposed to be tasting? I abhorred the stuff for many years until I went to Finland and had no choice but to learn to cook salmon well.

Now, salmon makes me happy. Salmon has a lot of flavor. Salmon is on the lower end of the mercury scale (not that I care, since I eat 8-10 cans of tuna a week). Salmon holds its shape when you fry or grill it, and you can use it in soups, stews, and chowdahs as well. You know what doesn’t hold its shape? Tilapia. But this isn’t about tilapia, that flavorslut of a fish.

Let’s do a bit of roleplaying. Not full on LARPing, but just a small imagination game. You’ve got five pounds of salmon in your freezer. And because you hate America, you bought it from Meijer, which means it’s skinless. You’re hungry. You don’t want to let yourself down. What do you do?

Stop. Hammer time. Get a job, get rich, buy a time machine, go back in time, and thaw the salmon that you really should’ve thrown in the fridge the night before. Your failure to plan is really getting in the way of a good dinner. But this isn’t about you, so let’s focus on dinner.

What you'll need:

  For the salmon:
    - 0.75 lbs of salmon
    - salt
    - pepper
    - cumin (or curry)

  For the rice:
    - 1 cup jasmine rice
    - 2 cups water
    - olive oil

  Extra:
    - 1 tbsp butter
    - basil

Bring 1 cup of water to a really solid boil. I like to go on Facebook during this time because it ensures that I will be away from the pot for a sufficiently long time. Once the water is boiling, add half a cup of jasmine rice. Jasmine rice is basically the best rice you’ll ever encounter, don't use anything else, trust me. Remember, the ratio of Jasmine rice (and all long grain rice) to water is 1:2. Don't fuck it up. Add a little bit of olive oil and you’re all set. Stir occasionally. Simmer it and set a timer for 20 minutes.

Gimme just ten seconds to complain about the price of fish in the States. I pay $9-14/lb for quality salmon here. I pay $7/lb if I’m a cheapass and going to Meijer because I hate my country and my freedom. Now, when I was in Northern Finland this summer, I was only paying $4/lb. That is LESS THAN HALF THE PRICE of the cheapest salmon in the States. Ridiculous. But regardless —

But oh, your work in the kitchen is not done. Nay, it’s only just begun, because at this point you’ve only just put the rice in the pot and you’re about to get freaky. Remember that salmon? The piece you thawed? Last night? No? Not even a little? It’s ok, that’s why I’m here. Your salmon. It needs to come out now. Set it down on the table. Grab some sea salt and fresh crushed peppercorns. If you don’t have those, don’t worry. Take what salt and pepper you do have, throw them out, and get some sea salt and fresh crushed peppercorns. Now cover that slab of fish with salt and pepper. An even mix of each. Juggling the rice and then getting the salmon is the hardest part of this recipe. Now add a light sprinkling of cumin. If you don’t have cumin, curry powder will suffice. The smell will be strong, but it cooks off leaving just a light flavor that brings out the power of the salmon. My roommate says that I’ve been too harsh, so… good job. If you’re scared at this part like I was when I first made this, don’t worry. I’m here for you. We can softly whisper sweet nothings to each other and hold hands. But first you need to finish the damn meal.

Now take down a pan, and get that thing scorching hot. Throw in some butter, too. Place the salmon in the pan (scales down) and turn the heat down to medium. Now would be a good time to turn on the broiler.

So now you’ve got the salmon cooking, the rice simmering, and you’ve got about 15 minutes left until the rice is done and the salmon is about halfway done. For the salmon, you’re looking for fat dripping out, and note on the side that the meat of the fish starts to turn white. It should be white about halfway up the side. When it’s around halfway, take the pan and put it in the oven which is broiling. Generally, you broil with the door open, but I’m giving you special permission to close the door this time. Keep it in there for maybe another 5-7 minutes — basically until the rice is done and/or the top of the salmon looks nicely cooked. Please note that you can’t actually put your pan in the oven if it has a plastic or wooden handle. You might have to switch it to an oven-safe pan.

If the rice happens to be done before the rest of the salmon is, don’t worry. Just let it sit. It’ll be fine cooking for up to 15 minutes more.

Serve it on hot plates. Either put the plates in the oven with the salmon for a few minutes or run them under hot water. Doesn’t matter which one, but just know that there is a special level of hell reserved for those who serve hot food on cold plates. Top the salmon with butter and basil. Serve the rice and fish together with a salad. Eat. Belch. Thank me later.

A Monster Dessert

Caitlin Morath  

Pake

Prompted by a cheesy lifetime original series and a long running bet, I managed to create one of the greatest dessert mash-ups known to man. My mother’s favorite TV show referred to it as a Pake, my friends christened it a frosted pie. Me, I call it “The Monster.”

This massive dessert combines a pie crust, chocolate chip cookies, cake and frosting. Layer it together bake it up for an hour and enjoy the sugary goodness. Recipe:

1. Preheat the oven to 325 degrees.

2. Start with a pie crust. You can spend time making it yourself, but with the amount of layers going into one dessert I would recommend skipping the Martha Stewart moment and just grabbing a frozen crust next time you’re perusing down the aisles at Meijer

3. Next, whip up some chocolate chip cookie dough, and layer it, about an inch thick, into the pie crust. (See that’s a much easier way to bring in a semi-homemade touch.)

4. Now pour on some cake batter until the pan is 2/3 full.

5. Place the glorious dessert you’ve constructed into the oven and bake for 40 min, and then start checking the cake every few minutes until the center is cooked.

6. While you wait for the monster to bake I recommend spooning out your cookies and pouring your cupcakes, because there’s a lot of excess dessert lined up waiting for its moment in the oven.

7. Once your masterpiece has cooled, glob on some frosting and prepare for a sugar high!